To the Mom Who Threatened to Spank Her Kid, From a Recovering Momster

The words stung – cutting deep and re-opening wounds not quite healed. Words from one mom blasting another based on one bad parenting moment. Words claiming she didn’t deserve to have kids.

They weren’t about me specifically. But it could’ve been me not too long ago – particularly on tough days.

Mom-shaming is practically an Olympic sport. People shaming “bad” moms. And others shaming the mom shamers for shaming other moms.

The circle never stops.

But, it needs to.

Those words… I read them on a friend’s Facebook post. Then I read another article from a woman who, proudly and publicly, “spanked [another mama] with her words.” A mama who was obviously struggling with her son.

So, I need to write this letter. Not only for the mama in Starbucks at her wit’s end. But for all mamas who are at their wit’s end and afraid to ask for help for fear of the judgment.

To the woman at Starbucks who threatened to spank her kid,

I don’t know you.
I only know from a woman who was there. And there’s something you need to know…
I am NOT judging you.
You are not a bad mom. I know your pain and frustration and all-out feelings of “What in the ever-loving world do I do with this kid!”
I was the mom who yelled. Too often. Too loud. Sometimes in public. Definitely in private. And yes, I spanked. But I didn’t want to.

And I know you just need some help.
Someone to listen to you without shaming.
Someone to guide you without condescending.
Someone to stick out their hand and say “I’m here.”

This mom-ing thing is SO hard, friend.

We need other moms willing to tell us the tough truths in LOVE – not walk away and then blast us about it on the Internet.

You are not alone.
Did you have your best parenting moment?
No.

Did you walk away feeling like Mom of the Year?

Not likely.

But here’s the thing, friend…
Your bad moment in Starbucks is just that. A bad moment. One bad moment does not equal a bad mom!

If we got a chance to enjoy a quiet, childless coffee at Starbucks, I’d hear how you want more peace in your home. You’d want to parent without feeling like spanking is a necessary evil.
If we chatted over a Crème Brûlée latte, I’d see those tears as you describe what life should’ve been like as a mom to your sweet boy.
If we got a chance to spend any time together, I’d hear a mother’s cry for help because you DON’T. KNOW. WHAT. TO. DO!
Many of us hear often: “That kid needs a good spanking!” and “Why doesn’t that mom control her kids?” It’s no wonder we’re pressured to do something – no matter what it takes.
But, friend, things can be different.
You need someone who is willing to speak the tough truths – in LOVE.
You need someone who can walk alongside you and give you some tools. The tools you need to parent the way you want to, and not the way you’re parenting right now.
You need someone to love on you and your boy – to show you what grace in parenting actually looks like.
Do you need to feel guilty about how you parented your boy in public? Probably.  Guilt says we did something wrong and need to change something.

But, shame? That’s something different altogether.
Shame keeps you stuck in a parenting pit feeling like a bad mom, instead of realizing you had a bad moment.
Shame keeps you from asking for help and getting the tools you need to parent peacefully.
Shame keeps you from enjoying this beautiful (and sometimes difficult) journey called motherhood.

I know. I was THAT mom. But I’m not anymore.
And you don’t have to be either.

It’ll be a difficult journey to unlearn all the things you’ve learned along the way. Rough days will happen still but you’ll have the tools and support to get back on track. Don’t give up, friend.

Reach out and ask for help.
And if you just don’t know anyone who won’t judge you and try to shame you for it…

Now, you do!

From,
The woman who just hugged you with her words