Every parent yells, right? But you don’t have to. Using these # simple things when you feel like yelling will give you time to respond to your kids and have more effective discipline.
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The brand new roll of paper towels is gone. Only the brown roll is left – the perfect telescope for your little pirates.
“Hey, Mama, the paper towels are gone. Now can we use the roll to play pirates?”
You should’ve seen it coming. And now the paper towels are being used to create their costumes.
Kids: 1 – Mom:0
Your face feels bright red – and hot. Your insides are boiling. She’s trying to come out again – your inner Mom-ster.
By the look on your face, your kiddos know it, too. They shrink back and start apologizing profusely.
What on Earth are you supposed to do? Laughing seems like an option because you are at your limit and nothing else seems like an appropriate response. You’ve already decided you
want need to stop yelling.
You know the effects of it. But what do you do instead?
feeling guilty for yelling at your kids?
First, I need you to know you aren’t along, Sister.
I’ve experienced all of these things above. It’s the reason I can speak to you now about it – things I’ve learned along the way. You are not a bad mom when you mess up. The fact that you are reading this tells me that you are a good mom, who feels guilty for yelling at your kids.
Something tells me you’re a tough mama who also isn’t going to quit when it gets tough. You’re the kind of mom who realizes she will most likely mess up again but will get back up and keep on going.
When I say these things are simple, they are. But that doesn’t mean they’re easy. Each one will take strength and hard work.
But, Sister, I know you can do it. Turn that guilt into action!
10 things to do instead of yelling at your kids
- Take a deep breath and use the catch phrase you decided on to help you gain more (mental) energy. Use sincere empathy – not sarcasm.
- Walk away until you can get calm down so you respond (not react) to your kiddo. Let them know you need some time to think about what’s going to happen. They’ll follow you and wonder. Just let them know they “don’t need to worry about it.”
- Remind yourself: “My goal is connection not control.” What can you do to emphasize connection?
- Set up some time to have at least a few hours once a week to yourself. Okay, we can call it self-care but it’s just having much needed time off. After all, every other job gets time off.
- Use phrases like “Hmm” and “I see” when they lash out. You are a safe place and that’s why you’re getting the brunt of their emotions. Do not engage when they respond like this.
- Speaking of high emotions, if they’re trying to keep yourself from yelling back at them. Instead, ask “Would a hug help?” This helps often with littles. Never underestimate the power of a hug.
- Give yourself grace. No matter how long you’ve been able to tame that inner Mom-ster and keeping her from coming out and yelling, it’s going to happen from time to time. Give yourself grace and figure out how you can improve for next time. Better yet, remind yourself of what the Bible says about grace and feel empowered!
- Recognize your triggers and plan ahead of time. Getting ready in the morning always a battle? Tired of your fraidy cat always being afraid to clean her trash because she’s “afraid”? Plan out your approach ahead of time. Practice makes (nearly) perfect.
- Give your kiddos choices. For trigger situations, give two choices you can live with and you can curb a good bit of the drama.
- Just like any professional, it’s important to train yourself not to yell. Practice giving choices, taking deep breaths, and stopping for hugs. Check out some of my favorite parenting books that helped form my way of parenting my kiddos – especially Sweet Firefly.
Take your time implementing these. Too much is overwhelming. My personal suggestion? Start with a hug.
I’m praying for you as I write this – knowing it will be difficult.
All the hard work will be worth it though.
As it says in Galatians 6:9 (NLT), “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”
Don’t give up, Sister!
This is just a season (and a shorter season if you do not give up).