Knowing how to talk to your kids about sex can be easy. Use these 5 tips for making the birds and the bees talk as smooth as it can possibly be.
It comes when you least expect it. And in the most inopportune place. The birds and the bees talk.
It might happen on the way home from school.
At the dinner table with friends over.
In the grocery store checkout line with a pimply teenage boy ringing up your groceries.
Whenever it happens. You won’t be ready. Neither was I, sister. But at least it wasn’t as bad as my parents experienced when I first asked.
Don’t Let Your Kid’s Peers Introduce Them: One Kid’s Embarrassing Story
My heart was racing because my fourth-grade crush was actually talking to me. He had just asked me if I did a particular act (one that shall remain nameless for fear of getting flagged as a not-safe-for-kids site).
I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about. I had just moved to a new elementary school at the beginning of the year. It was honestly the first time I ever remember hearing curse words and I don’t remember having any idea where babies came from.
But I was so excited to be talking to him. And after I answered his question, I think he was increasingly interested in talking to me.
Thinking he was talking about blowdrying my hair, I responded emphatically, “Yep. I sure do. Especially when it’s a special occasion!”
The details of the rest of the day are a little fuzzy until I brought it up at the dinner table that night.
And then I remember watching my brother sitting down watching TV as my parents closed the door to the den and pulled out the Mayo Clinic’s Encyclopedia.
And life, as I knew it, completely changed.
I wish I had known then that staying away from sex isn’t something to do just because ‘it’s bad.’ I wish I knew the blessings that come from waiting. If only I had the Word of God to turn to as a constant reminder. That’s why I made this list of 7 Scriptures about Purity for you. Not only for yourself but for your kids. Feel free to pin it.
What All Parents Dread about Talking to Their Kids About Sex
It’s easy to dread the day you have the “talk” with your kids. It feels uncomfortable. You aren’t sure what to say or how to say it. What if you say too much? What if you scar your kids for life? Surely, I’m not the only one who freaked out about this.
I nearly wrecked the car when Bug asked me one afternoon about it.
She was sitting sweetly in the back of our Accord reading a book from the library. I was so proud. But I had no clue what she was reading.
Turns out it was a book about the human body. And the section on the reproductive system actually mentioned the specifics of how a man and woman come together to create a new life.
I was quick to tell her we needed a little more time to discuss it and bought myself a good half hour or so. And once she fell asleep in the back, I quickly called Mr. B with my whispered freak out.
In the talks that followed with Bug and later with Bubba, we learned several things about making the conversation about sex less awkward… for us anyway.
While you will need to teach them that setting boundaries gives them the freedom they really want, they are going to be open to a whole new world they never noticed before. It’s scary, I know. But you can do this.
5 Tips for Making “The Talk” Easy
- Stay cool. This talk is just as normal as any other talk about their body. Sure the culture hasn’t perverted armpit stains like it has the process of creating a baby but it’s still just as natural.
- Have the conversation before you need to have the conversation. If you wait for your kids to ask you about it, you are going to be waiting a long time. And they are going to get the information from a bunch of kids who have all sorts of information. You want your kids to be in one of those schoolyard conversations (yes, they are happening on the playground) and feel confident enough to say “Dude, you’re so wrong” and walk away talking to some other kids about the new toy they just got. (As I sit here praying my Littles can remain as naive as long as I can responsibly hold off.)
- Ask them questions about what they’ve heard first. Oftentimes this let’s your kids feel like they are being heard. It raises the trust factor.
- Ask them what they think is true and right. This raises the trust factor as well. They feel heard and your reaction (or lack thereof) is going to give your kids a glimpse into what they can talk to you about in the future. This is also a great time to talk to them about God’s view. He created it so it must be good. But watch out for how the world twists it.
- Talk to them in manageable chunks appropriate for their age. This is probably the most important thing. The “talk” is more of a series of “talks.” Your kids don’t need to know everything at once. It’s too much for them to process. Let the conversation start young and be an ongoing opportunity for closeness with your kids.
And when they ask you “How far is too far?” or “What is okay before marriage?” you can have the discussion with them about it. I had the opportunity to discuss this a good bit. Head on over to my friend, Arabah Joy’s blog to find out the question that will bring clarity about “How far is too far?” when talking about physical intimacy outside of marriage.
Hopefully, you can avoid an awkward dinner conversation about blowdrying hair – that really isn’t about blow-drying hair.